Sarah was at work when she saw police officers at the door

Sarah Poole met her husband Nick through motorbikes.
They’d met on a few rides over the years, and then “just randomly started talking properly.”
When Poole was due to go “on a pub crawl with couples” one evening, she asked him to “come save me” from being the only singleton in the group.
“He did, and that’s where our relationship started,” she tells 9honey.
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The pair eventually welcomed their first child, a daughter, and were together for five precious years.
Poole was at work at a childcare centre when she received the news.
“My boss came in and called me out of the room, which I thought strange. But when I followed her to the office my heart stopped when I saw two police officers standing at the door,” the New South Wales mum says.
Poole was told Nick had been killed in a motorbike accident. He was 27.
“Time stood still but went so fast,” she says.
“I remember them asking if they could call anyone for me, and my head raced. I had no family here except my nephew. Nick had no family here.”
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She remembers thinking she didn’t want her parents “rushing over and having an accident too.”
It took her an hour to think of the best person to call – a family member’s girlfriend who had lost her own mother.
“She was a godsend. She helped me through so much,” Poole says.
“When a loved one dies, particularly when it is a partner, there is so much to do … notifying the bank, cancelling his phone, and notifying the RTA to cancel his license.”
Poole needed help contacting Centrelink for temporary financial support. Her family member’s girlfriend help her with all of this.
“She even lined up the funeral home and took me to talk to them and put me onto a good celebrant,” Poole explains.
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“She was by my side when Nick’s family came to help choose the coffin, place, cremation, and burial all things we had never really discussed.
“Death was not something we had thought about.”
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This was when Poole first learned just how expensive funerals can be, with the average funeral in Australia costing approximately $4,000 to $15,000.
Bare funerals cites the Australian Funeral Industry State of the Nation report which revealed 63 percent of people who organised a funeral didn’t ask for a quote, with more than a third being too emotional.
They advise bereaved family members to ask about costs as they planned their loved one’s funerals.
“Nick’s family covered the cost of the funeral. I covered the wake costs,” she says.
She believes Nick’s sister initially put the funeral cost on her credit card and the family shared the costs later.
“I had no idea just how pricey a funeral was. Also, I went from two incomes to none as I couldn’t work either, and was covering both my loan and his plus all the normal bills.”
Grief groups helped Poole “a lot.”
“I could share without judgement and could get advice from other going through or been through what I was feeling,” she says.
“I now admin one such group on Facebook, Widows and Widowers Oz
“This group is designed to help people a little further in their grief journey once the raw grief has subsided and we carry on with life, but still have our moments of pain.
“The group is very supportive and helpful to share thoughts, memories or ask advice.”
She describes the grief of losing Nick as a feeling of “losing my entire world.”
”I have now been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and understand mental health so much more than I ever did,” she says.
“I feel I’m more patient with others as I get that they may not understand others’ thoughts or pains, and I realise what a smile can hide.
“A happy person is often the one hurting the most.”
If you or someone you know is in need of support contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Griefline on 1300 845 745.
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